1 Pill, 2 Pills, 3 Pills Gone?
by Snape's-Mystic-Raven
Summary: For Junebug2. Greg contemplates suicide after a fall out with Nick. Probably just slightly AU.


**Disclaimer**: **Me no own CSI, me no make money off this story, me sad...:-(**

**A/N: Written for Junebug2 who guessed Greg's fandom correctly from my other one-shot _'His Secret Hobby'_and requested an Angst!Greg fic. It's kind of AU, well to me, because I really can't see Greg doing this at all. So here it is and I hope it doesn't disappoint.**

oOoOoOoOo

There were many ways Greg could do it.

_**A bullet to the brain**_. No, wait, to messy. He didn't want his friends or whoever found him to have to see his brains splattered all over his apartment walls.

_**A simple slice of the wrist**_. No, that wouldn't do, it would still be pretty messy. Even if he did it in the tub.

_**Asphyxiation**_. Less messy. One problem though, just how was he going to tie the knot for the noose, he kind of flunked out of knot tying in the Boy Scout's when it came time for badges. So scratch playing hangman.

Hmm....

_**Pills! **_Perfect. He probably still had some sleeping pills in his bathroom cabinet. He could just fall into a deep, peaceful sleep and never wake up. No blood and brains and no ugly bruises around his neck. Just perfect.

His mother could still have an open casket at his wake.

Voilà, problem solved.

Greg smiled sadly to himself as he laid in his bed, contemplating his death.

His lonely, lonely bed. It used to be _their_ bed, for a time.

_'This can't keep going on. It was supposed to be just fun. No more, no less. Two men can't love each other. That's just not how it works.'_

Those words had been ringing through his head going on almost two months now and Greg still couldn't believe that the man he had fallen in love with had said them.

Fucking Nick.

Fucking Nick and his smile and his eyes and his body and his charm and his...**Stop it Greg!**

He let out a strangled moan and grabbed his head in his hands, twisting his fingers in his hair and pulling roughly as he screamed. Angry tears formed in his eyes and he pushed his head into his pillow, this time muffling his scream and broken sobs for a man who had just used him.

Minutes ticked by into hours and Greg continued to cry into his pillow.

He cried for everything that had ever gone wrong in his life but mostly he cried because of Nick. Of always being the one who gave too much and got too little in return. He cried and bemoaned ever having fallen for a sweet Texas charm that had had him hooked from the very start. He wailed for the love they had made, of the passionate sex they had had, and of the nights they had just lain together in bed, talking and holding one another.

It had seemed pretty real to Greg. Something real and good and forever.

He should have realized that it was one-sided when Nick never said 'I love you' back, after all the times he had said it to the Texan, bared his soul and Nick had just brushed the words off.

_'I can't give you a life-long commitment. Greg, you know I can't, my family would never approve. I would never see them again. I love my family Greg, I can't just throw them away for anyone, even you.'_

Basically saying that Greg wasn't good enough, never could or would be, for anyone. Especially not Nicholas Stokes.

Greg let out another broken sob, but no tears fell, he supposed he was all cried out.

Sitting up, he moved to the edge of their_...his _bed and lifted himself up and off, then headed towards their..._his _adjoining bathroom. He didn't look into the mirror but quickly opened up the cabinet and scanned the shelves for the bottle of sleeping pills he knew was in here.

Hiding in the back, behind some toothpaste and cough syrup, he found his salvation. Moving the toothpaste and cough syrup, he quickly snatched up the half full bottle and moved back to the dark bedroom.

He put the bottle on his nightstand and went to their...**damn it!** _**His**_, _his_ kitchen and filled a glass of water, then headed back to the bedroom. He set the glass next to the pills and just stared at them, wondering if really this was the best route to go.

Suicide had never crossed his mind before. He had always been 'hey-don't-worry-be-happy-Greg Sanders'. Someone who had always tried to look on the brighter side of life and not focus to much on the bad, no matter how much there was in the world.

So why was he thinking about it now. Oh, yeah, that's right...

Fucking Nick.

He snatched the pill bottle and popped the lid off, dumping a majority of the pills into his hand and closed his fist around the small blue pills. He placed the still open bottle back on the table and reached for the glass of water.

Opening his palm he looked at the pills and for a moment he thought he saw writing on them, proclaiming 'Do it!' on the surface of each pill. He stared until his eyes glazed over and for a moment he thought the tears would return, but they didn't. So he placed the pills on the nightstand and gripped the glass of water.

He picked up a pill. Took a drink. Swallowed. Repeat.

_One, two these pills are blue._

_Three, four need to take more._

_Five, six who needs Nick._

_Seven, eight can't sit up straight._

_Nine, Ten down the bend._

"**Greg!"**

His hand was knocked violently away from his mouth as he began to take yet another pill and he watched in a trance as all the little blue 'no-more-hurt' pills fell from his hands and to the carpet. The glass was snatched from Greg's hand and roughly put back on his nightstand, water sloshing inside and spilling over the edge and onto the wood top.

"_**Greg! What the hell are you doing? How many did you take? Why did you...?"**_

Fucking Nick, he thought dazedly, before closing his eyes.

"_**Oh shit, Greg, please talk to me. Come on, baby, stay awake!" **_

Someone was slapping his face and shaking his shoulders roughly as he drifted in and out of consciousness.

"_**G, I'm sorry, just please stay with me! Yes, I need an ambulance to..."**_

The voice drifted away as Greg fell into black...

_**Beep. Beep. Beep.**_

What was that noise? Were there alarm clocks in the afterlife? God he hoped not.

_**Beep. Beep. Beep.**_

"Greg, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean anything that I said."

_**Beep. Beep. Beep.**_

Nick? What was he doing in the here-after?

_**Beep. Beep. Beep.**_

"Just wake up and come back to me, baby. I promise I'll do anything you want if you just wake up. I'll tell my family about you, tell the world if you want, just come back to me...I love you, Greg."

_**BEEEEEP. BEEEEEP. BEEEEEP. BEEEEEP.**_

Greg's heart sped up at the words and the smallest of smiles appeared on his face. He opened his eyes slowly and tried to focus them, a black blur by the door told him where Nick was.

"I NEED A DOCTOR IN HERE!"

Was yelled immediately after and he winced at the loud, booming voice. Clearing his throat he groggily called out for the Texan.

"Nick?"

A startled gasp and then a fast moving black blur was all the warning he had before he was wrapped up in a hug, just a fraction away from bone-crushing. Then warm lips met his chapped ones in an over-all-too-soon-kiss that left him a little breathless at the tenderness of it.

"Greg! God I was so worried that you had...that you wouldn't ever...don't do that again, never ever again, Greg...I can't...never, baby...so sorry, I love you so much...so much..."

Nick mumbled, as he buried his face in Greg's neck, placing small kisses to the with every pause.

"Maybe I should...have tried that sooner...then if it got you to say...to say I love you." Greg managed.

Nick pulled away and kissed Greg once more, possessive and deep, "Don't joke."

A Doctor and two nurses rushed into the room then, breathing hard the doctor asked, "What's the problem here?"

"Nothing, everything's fine" Nick replied quickly.

The Nurses checked Greg's vitals and the equipment making sure everything was working correctly. The Doctor instructed Greg not to get overexcited and that he would have to stay in the hospital for a couple more days since he had just had his stomach pumped, the three left, leaving Nick and Greg alone.

"Greg why would you..." Nick drifted off and he drew in a shaky breath, expelling it in half a sob as a couple of tears escaped his eyes.

"I'm not worth...the tears. Nick, don't cry...I'm not worth it."

"How could you...try to kill yourself, G?" Nick asked, as he sat back in the chair he had occupied for the last seventy-two hours.

Greg closed his eyes and a tear escaped as he whispered, "You didn't want me anymore. There was no point in going on. Not if I couldn't spend the rest of my life with you."

Nick grasped Greg's hand in his own and ran the younger man's knuckles along his stubbled jaw, Greg opened his eyes and stared into Nick's misty, dark-chocolate gaze.

"No, Greg, I'm not worth it. You're...you're everything Greg, my everything. After I said all those things and left like that I realized that I was the one who was wrong. I was the one who was afraid, but I promise Greg, I promise I'll try to be better. Better so I can be worthy of you, I love you, so much."

Tears ran down both men's faces and Nick got up and sat down on the edge of Greg's hospital bed. Still holding Greg's hand, Nick leaned forward and kissed him once, twice, before burying his head into the blonde man's neck. Whispering 'I promise' and 'I love you' over and over again.

Careful of the tubes in his arms, Greg wrapped them around broad shoulders tightly and buried his face into his lover's neck as well. Crying in relief and love that Nick had come back. He had come back to him.

OooOoOoOo

**A/N: Not sure about the ending, but there it is. As always Reviews welcome, but not mandatory. ;D**


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